核心问题
（a）Come this way, if you please.
(b) She said I was childish, if you please.
这两个句中的 if you please 意思一样吗?
词典解答
意思不一样。在句(a)中 if you please 可以用 please 来代替,因为后者是前者的简化形式。在类似句(b)的这类句子中,if you please 是一个表示说话人情态的状语,具有反语意味,用来表达说话人的奇怪、惊讶、愤怒等感情,一般可以译为“竟然”“真是的”“你看多奇怪”“真是奇怪”“(真是)岂有此理”“(真)令人难以置信”等等。
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The missing letter was in his pocket, if you please! 你看怪不怪，丢失的那封信就在他的口袋里！
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Instead of paying me the money he owed me, he wanted to lend him more, if you please! 他不还给我他所欠的钱，反而想向我借更多的钱，真是岂有此理！
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He's broken my bicycle, and now, if you please, he wants me to get it mended so that he can use it again. (LDCE) 他弄坏了我的脚踏车，令人难以置信的是，他还要我把它修理好，好让他再用。
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And now, if you please, I'm to get nothing for all my work! (ALD) 你瞧,我做了这么多工作,他们分文不给,真是岂有此理!